In Tarot decks, the Magician signifies having a lot of options and choices.  That’s the good news and bad news.  A good magician knows what they want to create and sets up their tools and intentions to make those things manifest.  You may remember the Disney animated film Fantasia, where Mickey Mouse is the magician’s apprentice and ends up making a million broomsticks all totting buckets of water causing an overflow (or overwhelm) of gushing water (emotions).  This is how the Magician card showed up for me lately. And maybe some you have had a similar situation in your life where things weren’t going according to plan with your business, work or even personal goals.

My plans changed with a prospective client the other day and it threw me off my game. I realized that I had a lot of attachment to that meeting. For one thing, this was on my “to do” list and I had already checked it off. The Pep Rally music in my head celebrating my Big Win and my Happy Dance was abruptly stopped. Now I have to “un-check it” -right? But that’s not all. Not having the meeting signaled that something may be wrong with my plan or worse – me. My gut turns and I my confidence waivers. So I turned to a friend for some magical advice. Her text read: So, What do you want?
Whoa now! This sends my mind into a tizzy. What do I want? What do I deserve to get? What will I get if I ask for what I want? But will getting what I get really be the best thing for me? Yup, that’s analytical me digging a hole to totally trap myself from moving in any direction. Sound familiar?  Okay, it’s probably just me.  Anyway – so then I find myself sitting in the dark alone with a lot of ugly thoughts ganging up on me. You know the ones: What are you thinking? You want to be what? You charge what? That? And my own private personal favorites: Yep, here she comes, crazy relative/friend/coworker Laura. People can’t possibly take you seriously! You’re wearing a turban and a gypsy skirt for crying out loud.
Perhaps the hardest thing in the world is framing and declaring what we want. Why? You just might get it. And with some situations, that can be pretty scary.
For me, there is distrust that what I chose was actually the right decision. I fear that I will become the brunt of a huge cosmic joke that I created in haste, desperation or just not thinking through what that decision might really bring me. The things that we wish for can sometimes show up like items that we order off the Internet. The color may not be right or the size of the object is smaller or larger than we imagined. However, we did order it and here it is. There is always hassle in sending something back, so we usually just settle with it or don’t go any further with what has arrived. Or we totally ignore it till it gathers enough dust or dies of attrition.
You can easily see how making decisions through fear can set you up. But some of us do make decisions based on love or confidence. These decisions seem easy and we are usually happy with the results. These create opportunities to see the wisdom in the world and we have an opening of the mind to actually be delighted with the results. Most may even see an unplanned result as an incredible opportunity that they couldn’t even have imagined. How lucky!
Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t having fun and my efforts to “move forward” in my business seem forced or even false. I was pushing myself forward because it was on my list of things to do by a certain time. Instead of welcoming the situation as a point to just reflect and be happy, I made it a flaw in my character and thinking.
But the day wasn’t over. I had made a commitment to go to an open house for a bridal event space. This was a networking opportunity for me, not a gig. And incidentally another thing on my business plan check list. Ugh. I am going to have to introduce myself to strangers and of course, they will ask me what I do. So while this is an uncomfortable situation for me, it’s one I am choosing to put myself into and learn from. When I arrived the place had quite a few people there. I found a place on a banquette next to three ladies about my age. One started the conversation with me. “We just love your outfit. My friend is going to a 30’s party later and we were admiring your hat. It is very 40’s.” I thanked them and asked what brought them to the event. One was a caterer. Perfect. Of course I was asked what I do. (Big deep breath, just be yourself) I am a palmist and I read fortunes at parties and events. And within two minutes I was reading the palm of the caterer and then her two friends. Through conversation I found out that we had some mutual friends and other business connections. We were having fun!!!  Shortly after that two other girls came over. One was single and wanted advice on attracting a relationship. Then they wanted me to pose with them at the photo booth. The photo booth guy stopped me and asked me about astrology. We had a nice talk about Scorpios and intuition. Then he showed me his hand and from his palm I was able to tell him one thing about himself that most people would not know about him. All took cards. I may or may not get any business out of this, but that was not the point for me. I passed my challenge of the evening of just being with people and doing what I love. So that got me to reflect again about what my wise friend asked me.
So at the end of the day, what did I want? This is what I discovered: I want to just be okay with me. I want to enjoy being that crazy, eccentric funny fortuneteller that while entertaining I open up people to the beauty of who they are. If I am true to me, then I will attract the right people and situations. No need to push, force or provoke things to my command. They will simply come like hummingbirds to colorful flowers or moths to a flame. But you, wise reader, probably know this already.  So I would love to know:  What do you want?